Dear Readers,
I am Miss C, author of the new column ‘Ask Me, Miss C!’ I hope to hear from you, as I am now accepting your letters and questions to discuss. Just don’t ask me any math questions. You may submit your letters to the West Bend News with attention to me, Miss C or email directly to AskMeMissC@gmail.com! Your confidentiality will always be honored. I hope to see your letters and questions soon!
Miss C earned Masters Degree in Psychology (Community & Social) in 2005.
Dear Miss C,
I am single, 38, and have no children. I work in a job that I love, am active with my church, and love spending time with my whole family. I am mostly content with my life but have recently been thinking… am I normal? Most of my friends are married and/or have children… so what is wrong with me? Am I going to die alone because I haven’t married and started a family of my own? I almost feel a form of peer pressure to conform to the lifestyle of my friends. I am not really lonely and it’s not like I haven’t been in relationships. They just haven’t turned into what I believe a marriage should be like. Maybe I am just too picky? But I am weary of being labeled a crazy cat woman (yes I have cats too). Because apparently if you are single and have cats this is wrong? Ugh! Am I normal?
—Single but not lonely in Ohio
Dear Single, but not lonely in Ohio:
Sometimes it is tough being that “never married” person. Our married and older friends might often ask us when we are going to finally settle down and start families of our own. Many blogs, books, and movies insinuate that if you are not married by a certain age, you must be too picky with unreachably high standards. Or perhaps we are too independent? That might be my favorite.
But it really comes down to something much simpler. Are you happy? Because it sounds to me like without others telling you what you should be conforming to, your life appears full. It sounds like you are choosing to do what you love in your life and so it seems silly to live your life in terms of others who do not wake up each morning and put on YOUR shoes. You are experiencing social pressure. A social pressure to conform to societal standards (which seem to be in place despite the fact that statistics suggest the number of single men and women has increased). And you are comparing social expectations of others, to fit the mold of your life. Your life does not need to be just like every other. In fact, if you are happy and content then why should you feel like you don’t fit? Does that mean you should never change? No. It doesn’t mean you shouldn’t change to better yourself (be the change you want to see in your life). But it does mean, don’t conform to meet the standards of others. Remember, it is your life. And you get to choose how to fill it! And FYI, there are many people who see cat ownership and rescue as a sign of empathy and a good heart. So, the next time someone refers to you as a ‘crazy cat lady’, just respond with a simple thank you.
Disclaimer: The advice offered in this column is intended for informational purposes only. Use of this column not intended to replace or substitute for any professional, financial, medical, legal, or other professional advice. If you have specific concerns or a situation in which you require professional, psychological or medical help, you should consult with an appropriately trained and qualified specialist. The opinions or views expressed in this column are not intended to treat or diagnose; nor are they meant to replace the treatment and care that you may be receiving from a licensed professional, physician or mental health professional. This column, its author, the newspaper and publisher are not responsible for the outcome or results of following any advice in any given situation. You, and only you, are completely responsible for your actions.
