Dear Miss C:
This may sound dramatic, but Facebook is ruining my family! My husband comes home from work and the first thing he does is boot up the laptop, then spends most of his time until dinner on Facebook. Dinner is constantly interrupted by the cellphone ‘ding’ of notifications and social media updates. I swear he spends more time on Facebook than having an actual real conversation with me, his wife! Actually just the other day we had a fight because he came home late without telling me where he was. When he got home he didn’t understand why I was so upset, he said he sent me a message on Facebook to tell me. Seriously?? I have a job and kids to raise, I do not spend all my time connected to Facebook. How hard is it to just pick up the phone and CALL me?? It’s not even just my husband. My daughters are entirely obsessed with taking ‘selfies’ and posting them on social media. Last summer, we went to the zoo and my daughters took a million pictures to post online, but only about three of the pictures had actual animals from the zoo. My family doesn’t communicate anymore, well at least not what I call communication. Am I just too old fashioned, or is this as destructive as I believe?
—NW Ohio Woman in Social Media Hell
Dear NW Ohio Woman in Social Media Hell:
More and more people are nostalgic for the good old days. You know, the days when people had actual conversations. Actual spoken words (and not just because you are speaking out loud what you are typing as I often do) to another person, or writing a good old fashioned letter to a friend or loved one. You know, the days before communication was replaced by emoticons and #ourfailingcommunications.
The bottom line is, the introduction of technology and social media impacts our relationships in three major ways: we become self-focused, lose our inhibitions, and lose our warmth. Not to mention the time it takes away from those who are right there with you. Someone close to me used to joke about how we spend all of our time “mesmerized by electronic devices.” He was probably right about that!
Within the realm of social media, it is the norm to live with the spotlight mentality. We are encouraged to share, tweet, and update every thought we think, feeling we feel, and move we make. But how does this translate over into real relationships? Imagine a person walking around just yelling out their every thought, feeling and action in real time. The expression TMI comes to mind. Within the context of actual life, this sounds so strange, yet this is what we are encouraged to do every day online.
We enter into a state of self-absorption in which we are more interested in proclaiming to the world who we are and what we are doing rather than taking the time to get to know and engage the world around us. So used to promoting ourselves, we forget to edit, encourage, and focus on others. As a result, it has the power to cause conceit, conflict.
Social media launches us into a world where intimacy can be anonymous. It is must easier to share intimate details with those we do not really know. It’s easy for this oversharing to create a feeling of connectedness that may or may not translate to the outside world. Relationships have been ruined by these types of connections. You do not always know who you are talking to. The MTV show Catfish makes a living showing how easy and destructive this anonymous intimacy can be.
But it is not all bad. There are countless stories online about families and who reconnect as a result of finding one another on social media. I recently read a story about a person who was able to get a liver transplant after someone came forward following a social media plea for help. We are able to reach out beyond our doors and communities. We are exposed to new information, new ideas, and new opportunities. The sky is the limit. But the sky can be overwhelming.
So, if you are serious about believing social media is ruining your family and your life, I would suggest you try a little experiment. Challenge your family members to go 24 hours without using these methods of technology. You might have an opportunity to reconnect. I would take a step more, choose a day of the week for everyone to forgo technology on a regular basis! See what happens!
If these measures do not work, or the problem is more serious, I would advise a real sit down. Speak to your husband and daughters about how you feel. It is important for your family that however you communicate, you do it honestly and with love.
Send your questions and letters to AskMeMissC@gmail.com or to my attention at West Bend News! Miss C has a Master’s Degree in Community and Social Psychology.
Disclaimer: The advice offered in this column is intended for informational purposes only. Use of this column not intended to replace or substitute for any professional, financial, medical, legal, or other professional advice. If you have specific concerns or a situation in which you require professional, psychological or medical help, you should consult with an appropriately trained and qualified specialist. The opinions or views expressed in this column are not intended to treat or diagnose; nor are they meant to replace the treatment and care that you may be receiving from a licensed professional, physician or mental health professional. This column, its author, the newspaper and publisher are not responsible for the outcome or results of following any advice in any given situation. You, and only you, are completely responsible for your actions.
