Hi Miss C!
After much deliberation, I finally decided to break down and ask my question. About two years ago I was engaged to be married to my boyfriend of three years. I broke off the engagement using reasons like “we argue too much over stupid things.” With a couple of years of perspective, I have come to realize that I had a pattern of sabotaging my own relationships because of my own fear of commitment. Later on, he wanted to get back together, and I didn’t feel ready and then he started what I can only call a rebound relationship. This rebound relationship made me realize I had made a mistake and now I want him back. Of course now, he is living with this new woman and they have a child together. He tells me that he is not happy in that relationship. We keep in touch with emails and such periodically. I selfishly hope that the relationship with this new person, which seems rocky, will break up so I can have a new chance with him. I know I have grown and am ready for this commitment now. I think that having one more chance with him is the only way that I can 1) be happy or 2) be able to move on. What should I do?
From,
—No Longer a Commitment-phobe
Oh No Longer a Commitment-phobe,
Where do I start? Life is fully of crazy twists and turns. Things often happen differently than we planned. But it is even more painful when you have regrets. Allowing oneself to fully commit to a relationship path is never easy and you are definitely not the first person to end a relationship for reasons that in retrospect seem silly. I can sympathize with the feeling for longing for your ex-boyfriend, but I am not entirely sure you are feeling this for the right reasons.
Like I said first, life is a journey that is full of things not expected. We have to learn and we have to adapt… it’s a process. As we move through our journey we begin to see and understand ourselves on new levels. When we reach these new understandings we might feel nostalgic and figure if we could only have that second chance, everything would be perfect. However, you cannot live in the past. We can only be in the present, and sometimes that simply means you need to move on and forward. I know this is probably not the advice you want to hear. But for lack of a better way to say it, it may be time to use your new understanding of commitment, commit yourself to moving forward. I know that is much easier said than done. And often making that decision will feel like a loss all over again. It may feel like a new heart break…so get out of your old routine and try some new things. I find journaling and artistically expressing my feelings does so much for helping me to let them go! Go to a painting class, visit a museum, volunteer, renew your health or faith. The less time you spend sitting alone watching TV, the faster you will move forward and live the life you were put here to enjoy!
Blessings,
—Miss C
*Send me your questions today! I am waiting to hear from you! Email me at AskMeMissC@gmail.com, visit my Facebook Page, or mail your question to the West Bend News with attention to me, Miss C!*
