Dear Miss C,
I am a parent of a very willful teenage girl. She is 14, thinks she knows it all and is very stubborn. I have looked online for things to try with her, but mostly what I find is how to deal with stubborn toddlers. My girl is beyond that, and I am stuck. What can I do?
—One Frustrated Mamma
Dear One Frustrated Mamma,
These are definitely hard years made even harder because no matter the temperament of your teen, they are trying to find their own identity. This of course means they are battling for their own independence, so it rears its ugly face through opposition (in values, beliefs, wishes, and instructions from parents). Because of this, it’s important to maintain clear and consistent rules and expectations and to organize them into three categories (non-negotiable rules, negotiable rules, and rules that can be negotiated as behavior improves).
Obviously, these expectations and consequences need to be discussed in advance of the stubborn or rebellious behaviors. And rewards or consequences should be doled out promptly and consistently… no exceptions. That does NOT mean that your teenager will stop challenging you and the rules/expectations you set. They will in fact challenge you at every opportunity, but you need to be calm and consistent. Your self-control is key, because you are modeling the behaviors you want to see. Be calm, your anger gives your teen an opportunity to take control of the situation.
Also, it is not always about grounding your child for long periods of time. As a matter of fact, recent research shows that shorter immediate consequences are more effective. Because this gives your child the chance to make new choices every single day. You can help her daily se the patterns of behavior that lead to the assigned consequence.
Don’t always focus on catching your child do bad, watch for the good choices and provide positive consequences for those!
And finally, talk to your child. Take time out of the daily routine to spend special time with her. Do some things together that she loves. Who knows, she might talk to you! You just might learn what fears and anxieties are driving her poor behavior choices!
With Blessings,
—Miss C
*Miss C is ready for your questions! Send your questions to AskMeMissC@gmail.com, post a message through Ask Me Miss C Facebook Page, or you may send your questions to the West Bend News*
