Disappointment is a part of life. A part that we don’t enjoy, but we can still recover from and learn from. After all, most famous people did not become famous overnight. They had to work hard, make mistakes, and recover from big disappointment. Some of these include Michael Jordan, who was cut from his high school basketball team. Stephen King, who received 30 rejections for his first novel. Barbara Streisand, whose first Broadway performance didn’t make it past one night. Abraham Lincoln, who recovered from much adversity, including eight defeated elections. These are just some famous people with known obstacles. However, all famous people, successful people, ordinary people—basically all of us—have faced countless moments of disappointment, but were able to pick themselves up and move forward.
Everyone has been there. We all know what it’s like to really want something only to be let down and left with an empty feeling. You may have trained feverishly for a particular competition or presentation, but your nerves got the best of you and your performance proved to be a big disappointment. You may have spent days, months, or even years working tirelessly for a big promotion, only to watch it slip away to someone else. Or perhaps you studied diligently for a test and didn’t get the grade you wanted. Maybe you scheduled a surprise party, but someone let the cat out of the bag. You were expecting a visit from a long-lost friend, but circumstances prevented the visit. Naturally, disappointment comes in many forms and for individual reasons. Our level of disappointment varies per event and can range in degree.
But one thing that won’t change is that we will continue to face some sort of disappointment throughout our lives. Our ability to handle this disappointment and how we can use it to our advantage is what gives us the control to deal with it. Depending on the situation, disappointment can feel like complete devastation. Our reaction could be anything from tears to depression to a feeling of complete failure. Our response could be anger or even motivation.
Try the following steps when facing disappointment to gain control and perspective in each situation.
1. Give yourself credit. In some instances, just trying or doing something can be the difference between you and other people. For instance, maybe you ran a marathon but were disappointed with your time. Remember that only 0.5% to 1% of people have ever completed a marathon, so the fact that you completed it is a big accomplishment in itself.
2. Re-evaluate your expectations. Are your expectations too high? Perhaps you wanted to lose 20 pounds in a month’s time. While some people can do this, is it realistic? List the reasons you have for losing weight. Are they reasonable?
3. Think positively. Nearly all situations have a positive spin to them. Maybe you have to look harder in some instances than others, but it is typically there. Focus on that rather than the pessimistic version of the outcome.
4. Learn from your experience. Maybe the disappointment was exactly what you needed to train harder, better, and longer for a specific event. The experience teaches you what you can do differently to better your performance. It can also teach you where you are at the moment.
5. Enjoy the development. Most people do not become superstars in a given activity. Many wonderful singers do not record chart-topping albums, yet they continue to sing. Many writers do not become world famous authors, but they continue to write. If you enjoy the process, there is no reason to give it up because you may not be the best of the best. In most cases, it is subjective anyway.
Disappointment is inevitable. However, it’s a waste of time and energy to dwell on it. You can handle disappointment by acknowledging it, controlling it, and using it to your advantage.
