This week no one officially Asked ME, Miss C. Don’t be shy! I am waiting to hear from you! Send your questions and letters to me via email: AskMeMissC@gmail.com, visit my Facebook Page to leave a message, or you can send a letter to my attention to the West Bend News!
This week I will address a question that I overheard just last night when I was visiting a local ball park.
“My child probably isn’t going to get to play much, should I talk to her coach?”
I recently heard a great advice quote, “You need to prepare your child for the path, not prepare the path for the child.” It’s true, children learn many great lessons from playing sports, but when we intervene and try to influence our children’s coach, what are we really teaching our children? Every parent wants the very best for their child, but as parents we often seek to control every aspect of the child’s life, and make sure it is all positive. While this may have short-term highs, there can be significant long term consequences.
Life is filled with wonderful times and horrible times. But when we grow up, for the most part, there is not magical mom or dad to come in and save the day when those horrible times come. We pick ourselves up and we move forward. We learn to cope. And learning to cope begins as children. As painful as some lessons may be (especially as parents watching children face adversity) they are building character that will last their live times.
Now back to the question at hand. Should this parent speak to the coach about the child’s playing time? No… not per say. Instead, if your child is playing a sport where they have improvements that need to be made, ask the coach what you can work on with the child at home. Encourage the child to work hard to overcome the struggle. Or perhaps it will help the child to learn about a sport or other opportunity that better suits their unique talents (we all have them!). Either way, the lesson that child learns will prepare them for hard work ethics that have long term positive consequences.
And to conclude, I would like to share a letter that I found online. It is a letter a coach sends to all his parents:
“Regardless of where your son shakes out in the playing time or lineup mix, it is important that your communication to him be positive. If he hears you talking about what a bad deal he’s getting, or something similar, his attitude is going to suffer. And if his attitude suffers, there is nearly no chance that he’ll earn more playing time or time at a different position he likes better. Conversely, if he really is deserving of more playing time and I’m just missing it, if he keeps working hard, trying his best and bringing a positive attitude to the field, I’ll notice it. I can tell you that if a parent comes to me to complain about position or playing time, then forever after that, if the player does move up or play more, you’ll have to wonder if it was something he earned himself, or if it was something that came as a result of your complaint. On the other hand, if everyone takes the attitude that “the cream will rise to the top,” and is patient, then you’ll know that everything your son gets is deserved. (The latter feels much better). Everyone will have their chances to show what they can do in the game. It is important that they are prepared for those opportunities, and make the most of them.”
Blessings,
—Miss C
