Dear Miss C,
I am in my mid 30s and would like to start dating again, but I am not having much luck actually finding people to date. I live here. I know pretty much everyone (limits options). I am settled into a church, no options there. I don’t really go to bars (and don’t want to). My friends are all married and also have married friends (no options there). So, I am thinking of trying online dating. Can you help me think of some pros and cons to using online dating?
—Old Maid
Dear Old Maid,
More and more people are meeting people online, so it is a viable option. I am glad to hear that you are weighing the pros and cons before venturing into a new dating pool, so I am happy to help you think of some pros and cons of trying online dating!
Let’s start with the Pros!
1. There really are more people out there to meet than we realize! When you limit your dating pool to socializing only in person there is a finite number of connections to make. Online dating helps you to cast a wider net! And the compatibility formulas used by each site can help pair you with those would might not otherwise ever have the opportunity to meet.
2. Less Pressure. Some people love online dating because it is easy. If you are shy and have trouble initiating conversations, this is a non-threatening way to break the ice. You can show the real you, without the fear of judgment that often makes us so nervous.
3. There are no truly ‘blind’ dates. One of the most awkward situations of dating…especially an older single is a really bad blind date. When you use online dating, the matches are more informed. We ourselves identify our likes and dislikes, so we know we are being matched with those we already have a good deal in common with.
4. Online dating has a lot of success stories. Statistics suggest that as many as 1/5 current relationships have started online.
Now for some Cons!
1. It can be difficult to make a transition from the Internet to Real Life dating. Online dating can discourage you from pursuing relationships with people you already know. Sites like Match.com, which removes the mystery of whether another person is interested, can make pursuing offline romance more difficult when the uncertainty is introduced. Online dating is not the cure of all bad dating experiences. Some people search databases for hours without meeting anyone in real life.
2. Are people who you really think they are? Of course on our online dating profiles we will try to reflect only our best qualities, and so exaggeration and deception is easy. That said, stories of outright lies are relatively rare (shy of making ourselves a few pounds lighter and a few inches taller). The key here is to simply be honest when filling out your profile information.
3. Sometimes it doesn’t work. Some people just cannot connect with someone through a computer screen. Chat based communication can create unexpected dynamics. For example, it might be more impersonal. On the opposite, all chat based can draw a false feeling of intimacy.
4. We never stop looking and start dating. Yes, there is a gigantic pool of potential dating partners, and that can cause a problem. Do you ever stop looking for the best option and actually jump in the pool to try it out? The positive effects of online dating can be nullified by the unwillingness to compromise on something, but with the increased size of the pool, many people that they are more able to find ‘the one’ instead of trying their hand with someone.
So, as you can see there are positives and negatives to think about, and only you can decide if online dating is a good option for your life. But if you want to meet new people, you have to start somewhere! Be safe and have fun!
Blessings,
—Miss C
**I am waiting for your questions, contact me at AskMeMissC@gmail.com, My Facebook page, or send your letter to West Bend News with attention to me, Miss C!**
