Dear Miss C,
I don’t understand why I never feel good about myself. Can you help me?
—Jane Doe
Dear Jane Doe,
I would first like to remind you, advice given in this column is not medical or official counseling advice. If you have ongoing concerns, or if your thoughts and feelings are interfering with your day to day activities, I would advise you to have a discussion with your doctor.
That said, I would like to say, people who do not feel good about themselves need to build self-esteem. The solution to building self-esteem is not just repeating positive daily affirmations, but by setting and then achieving meaningful goals. We do not always set good reasonable or meaningful goals. So, in response to your question, I will use my own life experience and studies in the field of psychology.
Lots of people try to feel good about themselves by entering into new relationships. These people let other people make them feel good. Eventually your partner will disappoint you. That disappointment may even end the relationship and then you end up feeling worthless. So the solution to feeling good about yourself is inside YOU!
You do not have to impress other people to feel good about yourself. You don’t have to learn a new trick to gain approval. But you SHOULD IMPRESS YOURSELF by trying to do things that you have failed to do before. And be persistent, keep trying until you get it right! Impress yourself by proving yourself wrong!
SET MEANINGFUL AND REASONABLE GOALS. If you feel bad about how you look, your goal should not be to lose 100 pounds, but instead take one step toward feeling better. For example, choose to add more vegetables in to your diet. Or decide to walk a few days a week. If your goal is to meet new people and stop being so shy, then set a small step toward it by making a commitment to attend an event. Just keep taking steps!
CLEAN UP YOUR MESS. Eliminate those from your life who are negative, who always drag you down, who don’t really support you. Clean up your mess by getting rid of the ‘clutter’ and factors that constantly bring you down. Next, surround yourself with those who have qualities you admire! They might just rub off on you!
STOP THINKING EVERYONE ELSE IS AMAZING. One of the main reasons people never feel good about themselves is because they are constantly comparing themselves to others and because they perceive everyone else incorrectly. They believe that ‘Sue’ is more attractive, ‘Brandy is smarter’ or ‘Heather is more successful.’ Sue, Brandy, and Heather are ordinary people just like you. They have lots of flaws, just like you. You may not see them, but I bet if you asked them they could easily list their perceived flaws.
And most importantly, remember that there is no such thing as a quick fix. Losing those pounds will not magically make you feel better about yourself. Can it make you feel better? Absolutely, but it is likely only a portion of your solution. Perhaps it is a goal to set along the way. But it is very unlikely that self-esteem issues are caused by only one factor. Self-esteem is multidimensional.
Blessings,
—Miss C
*Send your questions to AskMeMissC@gmail.com, leave a message on my Facebook Page, or write your letter and send to the West Bend News to my attention*
