The Nurturing Well by: Jill Starbuck
Every year on the first day of school we encounter at least a few mothers shedding some tears. Often, they are mothers of kindergartners. But it doesn’t have to be just kindergartner mothers who experience a sense of sadness or nostalgia on this day. This day is a defining moment for many mothers. It means that they have to let go. For some, they have to let go for the first time; for others, they have to let go a little more each first day of school.
The first day of any grade level can tear a little hole in a mother’s heart. For me, this typically happens as I walk away from dropping my daughter off on her first day of school. I can feel the hole forming with each step. This is the moment when I want to turn around and grab my daughter and bring her home. I want her with me. She is mine. The school and the world can’t have her. Nobody can protect her or love her like I do. Or so it feels.
This is also the moment I start to second-guess myself. Have I done the best that I can do in raising my child to become independent? Will she be able to handle adversity with poise? Has she learned to be fair and kind to others? Is she brave enough to speak up when she doesn’t understand something or needs to defend herself? Does she have dreams and goals of her own? Am I introducing her to the right influences? Is she happy?
All of these are natural feelings of motherhood and occur at many times throughout our children’s lives. But the first day of school seems to heighten those feelings. Realistically, the first day of school is really happening every day. Our children continue to become more independent daily. And as good mothers, we must give them the opportunity to allow others to love them. The best thing we can do for our children is to let them figure things out on their own, with some guidance of course.
So, we continue to walk away, knowing that we cannot control everything that goes on in their lives. But we are privileged because we get to love them unconditionally throughout the process and be there when they need us. Each year, they will grow even more independent until they are officially on their own. It’s just that each first day of school means that this reality comes closer.
Some of us are not ready for it. Most of us will never be ready for it. But that’s OK. Countless mothers before us encountered the same experience. They made it, so will we. It is nothing to be ashamed about; it just goes to show how much we love our children. There’s nothing wrong with that!
Jill Starbuck 20+ years of experience as a business writer, editor, and market research analyst. She is a certified health coach through the Integrative Institute of Nutrition and a certified running coach through the Road Runners Club of America. She is also the co-owner of a running business. She can be reached at jillstarbuck@hotmail.com.
