Dear Miss C,
I met a girl last year when I was on vacation in Germany, she lives in Russia, 1500km from me, I am in Hungary. In Germany, it began like adventure, but when we come home, we started texting and a kind of long distance relationship. It was hard, but after a year, now in August she came to visit me. We spent wonderful two weeks together, and she went again. We both are students at the university, young people… And financial situation allows me to go in summer 2016 to visit her. It’s almost a year, I don’t know if it will work, because I feel bad without her. I am missing her so much and it’s not good for our psychological health. I am afraid and I don’t know what to do. I listened many long distance stories, but those couples saw each other once a month or once every two months, and it was hard also, but my situation is not good because we can’t see each other for a 9-10 months. I can’t be optimistic. She is in my head, in heart, I think about her. She also feels about me (if I can believe in her words). Sorry because of my bad English, and long e-mail. Thanks a lot. Sincerely,
—Joshua
Dear Joshua,
It seems that long distance romance is a current trend. I, only recently, responded to a young woman facing the challenges introduced by long distance. The difference between her inquiry, and yours is time. She and her partner had a young, but committed relationship before the separate was to begin. I offered her tips that you can read in the West Bend News, Ask Miss C archive.
Specifically to your situation, it is hard work to build healthy, happy, and stable relationships in the best of conditions, and building the relationship from afar offers additional challenges. You mentioned one, trust. It is difficult (though not impossible) to build trust without regular face to face contact. It seems we always question what we cannot touch in front of us. It is easy to quickly develop feelings of intimacy in long distance situations, but those feelings are sometimes a mask of what we WANT them to be, instead of what they really are. It is easy to fall head over heels when your face to face time is a quick adventure, and escape from reality to play and enjoy your friend. This introduces another significant challenge, separating what is real and what our romantic desires create.
Joshua, this is a very hard question. While, I never want to be a person to discourage young love, I feel it is important to encourage you to look at the big picture, and ask some very important questions. How long will distance be a barrier? At some point if you want to be in a real relationship, geography needs to be addressed. Do you have the same goals? Are you having an honest relationship (on both sides)? Are you on the same page communication wise? Until these questions have answers, it is difficult to move to the next level of the relationship (you know, the real stuff). Take a step back, if you determine you are both in the same place, with the same goals, continue getting to know one another. But it may not be the best idea to commit your entire heart to a person you may spend a week or two with a year. You are young, do not forget to enjoy your life!
With Blessings,
—Miss C
