Dear Miss C,
So, I read your column almost every week, so I know you have talked about some of the things I struggle with. I kept not wanting to write in because I don’t want to sound like a whiner, but then I though hey no one knows who I am anyway. So here it is: I have a good job, I think most people like me, I have a strong support system, and I think I am a pretty good person. I go through every day moving through the motions, being the outwardly happy professional. I am surrounded by people most of the time and I love it, (but it can be so draining). But I do not feel I exactly fit. I can be outgoing (or that’s what people say about me), but I just don’t always want to be. I guess I am not entirely happy. Some of my previous friends no longer include me in their plans because I sometimes turn invitations down in order to just stay home and have quiet time. I think they take it personally? Some people say I would be happier if I were in a relationship and had my own family to look after, but I am not so sure about that…I just don’t seem to have enough left when I get finished with the day to even think about tending to relationships. So what is my deal?
—LuisaB
Dear LuisaB,
I am glad that you decided to write to me. While I do not know much about your life, I am going to share a few thoughts based on my personal and professional experience. Please accept it with a grain of salt, and feel free to send me another message if I am way off base, or not very helpful. But I do want to say, you are not alone in your feelings. There are many women who share your feelings, and most of those are introverts living an extroverted world. First of all, the first thing people think of when they think of an introvert is ‘shy.’ Introverts does not mean shy. As a matter of fact, I believe myself to be an introvert, I am happy to work with and help people; I am even a pretty good public speaker, but when I get close to my limit, I want to be home and curled up with my journals or a good book. Some of my friends never understood why sometimes I just wanted to stay home, I even felt guilty because of it. And of course the day following the big friend parties and outings, which is all they talked about. I was obviously not a part of the sharing and stories from the outings. But it became hurtful when my choice to not participate in these outings led to exclusion from invites to everything (girls nights, kids birthday parties….etc.). It is not that introverts do not like socializing, it is more that we need to establish working balance to allow ourselves internal time. Extroverts do not understand introverts because they are energized by the interactions, and while introverts have pockets of socializing time, afterward we might just need to hole up for a bit.
Balance is our key. You are right, a relationship is not the answer to this particular concern. Relationships can be wonderful, but finding your own balance is your priority. It is a key in making you happy in your own skin. Oh I could go on and on! But I do not want to move away from your original question. So, feel free to write back if I did not address what is most important to you!
Blessings,
—Miss C
**Email your questions to AskMeMissC@gmail.com or visit my Facebook page!**
