By: Dr. James Bachman
Dear Parson,
I am in my fifties. When I was a teenager my father committed suicide. I’ve been ashamed all these years and have made some bad decisions as a result. How do I overcome being ashamed?
Shame is basically receiving reproach or stigma. Being ashamed as a result of doing wrong can be good if it brings repentance. Peter denied Christ three times. His shame led him to repentance, and then great service. Paul severely persecuted Christians, was later ashamed, repented, and was also greatly used of God.
Some shame is not deserved. The father of the prodigal was shamed by his son who wasted his father’s hard earned money with harlots (Luke 15), but the father was not ashamed, for he did nothing wrong. No one has ever been shamed more or more undeservedly than Christ, but He was not ashamed. “Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.” (Hebrews 12:2) He “despised the shame.” He refused to be ashamed for carrying out the greatest act of love in history. (See also Isaiah 50:6-7)
Satan wants you to be ashamed because of your father’s suicide. Your father made his own choice, which he regrets because he now sees through God’s eyes. If you have done right in this matter, God commands you not to be ashamed. “Yet if any man suffer as a Christian, let him not be ashamed; but let him glorify God on this behalf.” (I Peter 4:16)
When guilty of wrong we should be ashamed and repent, but when we are not guilty we should refuse to be ashamed and go on with life, glorifying God. “And they departed from the presence of the council, rejoicing that they were counted worthy to suffer shame for his name.” (Acts 5:41)
