By: Dr. James Bachman
Dear Parson,
My son always wants to argue with me. How can I stop that?
Arguing, contentions and strife are sin. “The beginning of strife is as when one letteth out water: therefore leave off contention, before it be meddled with.” (Proverbs 17:14) “Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory: but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves.” (Philippians 2:3) So – we made a rule in our home: Arguing is not allowed!
It takes at least two to argue. Decide you will not be one of them. Pride is the root cause. “Only by pride cometh contention: but with the well advised is wisdom.” (Proverbs 13:10) So stay humble and in control – “It is an honour for a man to cease from strife: but every fool will be meddling.” (Proverbs 20:3) Anger only stirs up more strife. “An angry man stirreth up strife, and a furious man aboundeth in transgression.” (Proverbs 29:22) “Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.” (Colossians 3:21) “A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.” (Proverbs 15:1)
It should go like this: “Son, I need your input.” – “He that answereth a matter before he heareth it, it is folly and shame unto him.” (Proverbs 18:13) “You may share everything you want if you do so in a respectful manner, but when you are done, you are done, unless I ask more questions.” Then let him share without interruption. When he is finished, thank him and tell him after further checking and prayerful consideration you will let him know of your decision.
If he continues to be argumentative, you either walk away or send him out of your presence. “Cast out the scorner, and contention shall go out; yea, strife and reproach shall cease.” (Proverbs 22:10)
If it is not a matter of right or wrong and of no real significance, flip a coin. “The lot causeth contention to cease, and parteth between the mighty.” (Proverbs 18:18)
Send questions and comments to: jamesbachman@juno.com
