Beloved writer and local historian Stan Jordan now resides at the Gardens of Paulding. You can mail a card to:
Gardens of Paulding
Room 402,
199 CR 103
Paulding, OH 45879
These stories below are reprinted from previous editions.
By: Stan Jordan
A fly was buzzing along one morning when he saw a lawn mower someone had left out in their front yard. He flew over and sat on the handle, watching the children going down the sidewalk on their way to school.
One little boy tripped on a crack and fell, spilling his lunch on the sidewalk. He picked himself up, put his lunch back in the bag and went on. But he missed a piece of bologna. The fly had not eaten that morning and he sure was hungry. So he flew down and started eating the bologna. In fact he ate so much that he could not fly, so he waddled across the sidewalk across the lawn, up the wheel of the lawn mower, up the handle, and sat there resting and watching the children.
There was still some bologna laying there on the sidewalk. He was really stuffed, but that baloney sure did look good.
Finally temptation got the best of him and he jumped off the handle of the lawn mower to fly over to the baloney. But alas he was too full to fly and he went splatt!, killing him instantly.
The moral of the story: Don’t fly off the handle when you are full of baloney.
By: Stan Jordan
Two old guys are pushing their carts around Walmart when they collide. The first old guy says to the second guy, “Sorry about that. I’m looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going.”
The second old guy says, “That’s OK, it’s a coincidence. I’m looking for my wife, too. I can’t find her and I’m getting a little desperate.”
The first old guy says, “Well, maybe I can help you find her. What does she look like?”
The second old guy says, “Well, she is 27 yrs old, tall, with red hair, blue eyes, long legs, and is wearing short shorts. What does your wife look like?”
To which the first old guy says, “Don’t remember, let’s look for yours.”
Received from Natasha Jones; courtesy of www.gcfl.net
Caleb’s no good, very Bad Jack of a Day
By: Stan Jordan
Caleb McHerford was driving on the Blue Tick Road just outside of Fairview, OK when he had a flat tire on his pick-em-up truck.
He got out and looked and made a diligent search inside and all over that truck but he couldn’t find the jack nor the handle. He had a good spare tire and lug wrench, but no jack.
He had a problem here, he had to raise the flat tire wheel up off the road to get his spare in place.
He looked this situation over good and he realized he had to get a jack from somewhere.
There was a house about a quarter of a mile on down the road on the right hand side. Caleb was not one to borrow anything, but right now he had to jack up his truck and change the tire.
As he walked on down the dusty road he started to think about what kind of people lived in this house. They were probable very nice people and would gladly let him use their jack.
Oh, gee, we’ll probably become good friends and they will want to come over to our house and visit and play cards. They will probably want us to come over to their house. Gee, whiz, they will want to meet on Wednesday night and I always go to the Herford Cattle Raisers Meeting on that night, darn it.
They probably will want to play Euchre and I hate that game. She will probably serve that new type of raspberry flavored coffee and I hate that stuff. We’ll all get to be friends and he will want to borrow my prize bull for free, no way! They probably got one of those new HDTV sets and will want to show it off. They’ve probably got a young daughter who will make big eyes at our boy and a lot can come out of that. Since he loaned me his truck jack he will probably want to borrow my truck. By golly, he can use his own tie down straps.
Caleb was getting closer to the farm house and he was getting more frustrated by the minute. I suppose this fellow is a fisherman and a hunter. Oh, holy smoke, he will want to borrow my coon dog and that ain’t going to happen, no way, no time, no how! My Nellie made the second page of the Oklahoma Coon Hunter’s Gazette and by golly, I’m not letting anyone hunt with Nellie except me. That’s the last straw, I’m done with ‘em.
Caleb was on the porch now and made three distinct knocks on the door. As a nice lady opened the door Caleb spun around on his heel and as he left he said, “You can keep your darned old jack!”
See Ya!
