Another birthday in Heaven for our beloved Stan! The office at West Bend News & Print is not the same without him here, telling his wild, made up stories or telling his memories of Antwerp in the past.
He made an impact on the lives of numerous people and will always be loved and missed.
Please enjoy these articles pulled from our archives to add a little bit of Stan back in our paper in remembrance of his birthday.
(originally 11/25/15)
ON THIS “GETTING OLD” CRAP
By: Stan Jordan
You have heard some of the glorious lines about the sunset years, the golden years, the beauty of getting old and many other flowery lines about the active life in your later years written by some young fellow.
Yes I know you are very fortunate if the powers that be let you live to be in your 90’s. That brings you into the metallic years, silver in your hair, gold in your teeth, aluminum in some of your joints, iron in your blood, lead in your fanny, and sometimes even iron rods in your bones.
You are lucky if you live to be 90, as you are bombarded with lead all of your life in some form or other. Such as, lead in your gasoline, lead in paint, lead in the use of x–rays, your fishing sinkers were made of lead, ceramics contain lead, everything, even batteries contain lead. If you are in the military, you use bullets and they have lead in them, and the government outlawed some of their usage.
There are many elements that see to it you don’t live to be 90. You are considered an old man, you are slow, un- steady, shaky, top heavy, can’t think or remember things. – and don’t want any help. Your fingers are stiff and you can’t button buttons, you don’t see very well, you can’t hear very well and you probably have store bought teeth. You grunt when you are putting on your socks, someone has to explain to you the punch line of a good joke. If you have Med- ical issues and are on medicare with a supplemental insurance you are as welcome as the flowers in May at any medical institution. A fellow told me once, a worker works January, February, and most of March before he has paid all of his check deductions.
This year the federal government has seen fit not to allow the cost of living raise to senior citizens, but did see fit to raise the amount you pay for your Medicare insurance. If they would pay closer attention to some of these so called “non–profit” hospitals, they could reduce our taxes. Ben Franklin told me once, “There will always be death
and taxes.” That phrase is 250 years old and is just as true today. But for us to keep up this beautiful living, in this greatest country in the world, we must pay our taxes.
I have been in this country for 91 years and would like to enjoy a few more yet.
See Ya!
(originally 12/23/15)
FUNNY BLONDE ONE LINERS
Why did the blonde get fired from the banana plantation? Because she threw out all the bent ones.
What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you? Pull the pin and throw it back.
What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde’s head? A space invader.
What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant? “Are you sure it’s mine?”
What do you call a smart blonde? A golden retriever.
How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday? Tell her a joke on Wednesday.
Why do blondes have TGIF on their shoes? Toes go in first!
Why did the blonde scale the glass wall? To see what was on the other side.
The blonde went into the store and there was a sign “All the peanuts you want for $1.00” so she took $2.00 worth.
The blonde went into the funeral parlor and saw the corpse dressed really nice and she wondered where he was going.
(originally 7/11/17)
Rerun on Blonde jokes
By: Stan Jordan
• There was two blondes fishing from a boat in Wisconsin when the game warden moved in beside them. He noticed that they would cast out and then retrieved their bait as usual, but at the end of the line was a magnet, not a hook.
The warden praised them a little for trying to clean up the beer cans and junk from the floor of the lake.
The one blonde said to the other, “That dummy, don’t he know that there are steelhead trout in this lake?”
• Blondie came home from work and found her house had been ransacked, so she called the police to report a robbery.
The K-9 unit was right in the area, so he told dispatch that he would answer the call.
So he parked in her driveway and got out his dog and went walking up to the house, and blondie growled to herself and said, “ Just my luck, I call the police and they send a blindman!”
• Picture this, there was a blonde standing on of each side the street. The one shouted across the street to the other blonde and asked, “How do I get across the street?”
The other blonde says, “You are already across the street.”
• I know a blonde who used Raid for her underarms.
• Blondie was going to bake up a double batch of cookies but she couldn’t get the over up to 700 degrees.
• Blondie was so clumsy she would stumble over the wire to her cell phone.
• Blondie answered a knock at the door, and the man said he was with the census bureau and they wanted to know how many people in the U.S. Blondie asked, “Well why ask me?”
See ya!
EAGLES
(originally 12/23/15)
By: Stan Jordan
The leaves are pretty much off the trees now and you can see the eagles’ nest pretty easily. Some people told me the other day that they had seen two adult and three young eagles, north and east of An- twerp.
I was talking to some other folks, and they said they said there is an eagles’ nest close to the area where the Briceton Road, or CR 87, crosses Flat Rock Creek. That is probably a good place, with plenty of water and small wild life.
The eagles are getting more acclimated to the area as nests have been sighted for some time now at the little town of Florida, Independence and a number in the Defiance area, Antwerp and east of Cecil. I hear from people sighting the eagles at Hicksville, Bull Rap- ids, Gar Creek Road and the Payne area.
An eagle will eat road kill, just like a buzzard will, but the eagle would rather have some live game to teach their young how to hunt.
I was talking to a truck driver today and he said their is an eagle’s nest over in Indiana where Ohio SR 249 enters. They are slowly populating this area.
Mark Larimore told me that he saw two young eaglets the other day. They still had a black head, but they were eagles because of their size. I haven’t talked to anybody that has saw any snowy owls yet this years I imagine that the warmer weather we are having this winter is keeping them up in Northern Michi gan.
See Ya!
